Virtual Flaneurism

CUPCAKE CANNON

I adore this:

I bring to you perhaps the most disturbing story of the year, if not some longer determinate time span.

Indiana Grandmother is having a baby with her grandson.

It is EXACTLY what it sounds like.

I may vomit.

Note that this may be very, very fake. Screw you, Gawker.

I must expose the bad side of cats, after all these silly, positive cat videos.

I am so drunk, i am soi unsure what this musical says does, bu tomg this song is so good if it what i thik it is:

SUMMER, nn o?

This is really cool: An Interactive, Self-Moving 3D Tour of the Anne Frank house. Interesting just to get a feel of the size, the movement, etc. Definitely worth a perusal, even if you haven't read Frank's diary.

In case it wasn't clear, this isn't a recorded tour, but a 3D interface with which you can explore the annex on your own.

Whoa, books!

I feel a kinship with Cookie Monster, because he is clearly also a complete spazz.

All work and no Reese Pieces makes E.T. phone home.

Lolz silly students are silly:

Oh my...creepy anthropomorphized coin-eating bank cannot be unseen!

One of the best songs from Sondheim's Follies.

This may be the gayest post this blog has seen.



SIXTEEN HOURS TO SUMMER VACATION! Ecstatic is an understatement.

Stolen from Joe:

The band makes this video:

Shoulder implants! Good god, no!

I'm pretty sure 2010 is going to go down in history as the year the Southern prom went from child's play to super gay.

Further promenade ridiculousness: Parents in North Carolina are reportedly organizing a separate prom after a school permitted a homosexual student to bring his boyfriend to their year end formal. Their reasoning is unsurprising at this point: they want to ensure that their children “aren’t exposed to Jordan and Chase’s gayness.” (take that with a grain of salt, as it is coming from the gay student's mother.)

I'd say the South has gone batshit insane this year, but really it's that gay students in the South have decided to come out and exercise their right to be treated equally. One example of injustice leads others to speak out! Kudos to all of those teens and others putting themselves out there in the fight to be treated fairly! As you can see, every step you take is forging the way for those behind you.

More Cat GIFs for you:

Static cat v. balloon: AMAZING.

This advertisement by Alabama Governor-hopeful Tim James is not only offensive but incorrect. Maybe it's the businessman in me, but I'm pretty sure your state makes money off of the inclusion of individuals who speak other languages and drive cars. After all, think of all the ticket revenue you're losing from foreign individuals who can't read your English speed limit signs.

I guess he forgot the eleventh commandment, thou shalt not cough during the bitch's interview.

No shit.

This is soothing my soul before my exam:

Arizona's Governor Brewer, who quite unfortunately replaced the lovely and progressive Janet Napolitano (who, on a side note, cannot be doing more good as Secretary of Homeland Security than she'd have been doing protecting rights in Arizona), has drafted a bill to cancel the domestic partner benefits currently given to state worker.

Even worse, this bill removes benefits to children of domestic partners, including both minors and disabled adult dependents. If it is any surprise to anyone, Brewer is an outspoken religious zealot who reportedly leads staff prayer meetings. And she believes (and is quoted as saying so) that God placed in her in her position of power.

I am without words. There is nothing to explain this behavior but righteous-fueled hatred. And she is injuring families to do it.

And I quote Jesus:

"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." John 13:34

*Holds Head*

In honor of a Contracts Final Examination, check out the random fine print on this imitation MacBook battery. SHRINKWRAP AGREEMENT OH NOES?

Dispose of properly (or Mother Nature’s gonna whack us all!) This battery contains no Mercury, Mars or Venus. Each battery is tested before shipping. No animals were harmed during testing – unless you consider Paul in QA ;-) WARNING: To reduce risk of fire or burns, avoid Sony or Dell laptops and do not disassemble, crush, puncture or short the contacts. TM & ©2009 FastMac. All rights reserved. All other brand names & trademarks belong to their respective owners. If you have read this far, please consider applying for a job in our legal dept

1. K thanks for ruining strawberries for me.

2. OMG, or I could just eat a god damn harmless bug I can't even see. People today get so freaked out about germs and things that either have no effect on them or, even worse, could benefit them. All this Purell...you're not avoiding sickness. You're just making yourself more susceptible to it later. And eat a damn bug. If it's not a parasite, you're fine.

Obigatory Bridget reposting: THE DAILY OTTER

So much LOVE.

From Kristie: Boobquake joke turns awry when it causes an actual earthquake in Taiwan.

John Cameron Mitchell announces that Hedwig & the Angry Inch will return to Broadway in fall 2010!

I apologize. Today's posts are all fucking charts and random one-serving tumblogs and shit. More videos and music coming soon, cross my heart and hope to Lindsay Lohan's career.

This one's pretty interesting but hard to read (odd, since usually one of the main goals of these graphs is to make the material more accessible) but the info's worth a perusal: a look at how different emotions/sentiments are linked to different colors in varying regions of the world.

Again, click to embiggen.

Nimoy Sunset Pie Tumblog

A lot of these miss the mark because the makers try too hard...Nimoy should not be interacting with the pies, people.

(If you haven't caught on, CLICK the PIC to embiggen.)

Informative Infographic about the process (and TIME) it takes for a foreigner to become a US citizen.

Definitely worth reading in light of the recent Arizona Anti-Immigration Bill.

To quote someone else:

"Funny: those same people decrying Obama's 'totalitarian' nation are likely responsible for voting to turn Arizona into a fascist state."

Suggestions for US currency redesign. Not sure I love it - especially the rearranging of presidents on the bills...potentially very confusing.

Ok, this is gross, but when I actually laugh out loud at something, it's as if I'm contractually obligated to repost. So,

You'll see it if you just give yourself a second.

Yo, what better for a Monday than an entire tumblog devoted to People Talking on Bananas

Ukulele cover of MGMT's "Kids":

Battle of the Third Grade Music Class Crap Instruments:

1. Justin Bieber's "Baby" on Recorder

2. Gaga's "Telephone" on Glockenspiel

UPDATE: 3. Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" on CROCKENSPIEL.

Click for bigger and better:

If you've never read this before (I think I actually was given this as a sample model admissions essay during high school - another sign that I grew up in the epicenter of bad advice), check out Hugh Gallagher's NYU admissions essay. This was brought back to my attention because of the NYU connection. As you might now, NYU holds a special place in my rectum.

A tiddly bit to whet your whistle:

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Note: Since I was unsuccessful at finding a picture of Hugh Gallagher, I grant to you a picture of Gallagher the Comedian in an over-sized pair of women's shoes.

Oh, that Gallagher!!

Uh, NSFW. Or studying in a lounge at school, apparently.

I totally thought the Burger King was Jesus and was all, "Why's Colonel Sanders hanging out with Jesus? Is this a Double Down commercial?"

Dave the Wonderdog Does Not Like Birthdays

Hilarious reimagining of T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land" in Lolcat speak.

For those outside of Eliot-lore, he wrote "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats", the eventual source material for Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical Cats. For those outside of musical lore, Cats is a musical about cats.

Check out the original poem here (worth at least a quick perusal for a side by side comparison with the Lolcat version)

A well-written short story by Joshua Ferris from Tin House Literary Magazine. His book "Then We Came to the End" is one of my favorite novels from this past year.

Editorial note: I am oddly compelled to post pictures with all of my posts, to give some visual meat to entries that would otherwise be blocks of text. However, I find it bizarrely uncomfortable to post authors' photographs: having invariably read the work I'm posting about before seeing what the author looks like, looking up their picture feels like a massive invasion of their privacy- like I am some uber-voyeuristic peeping tom who has taken these author's willingness to let me read their written work as an invitation to take an extra dip into their person lives by looking up their faces.

Anyway, good short story, bad self-inflicted self-conscious self-loathing.

Stolen from Patrick, though this video's quality blows. I need more bass, people. Upload the bass into your video.

It occurs to me that, to date, Google and Apple haven't had the opportunity to butt heads in the technology world. I'm looking forward to the day both companies put out a product filling the same niche and the fanboys implode over which side to choose. Imagine if Google had put out an impractical flat screen laptop that can't run videos or stand up vertically without some sort of ill-balanced dock! What could they have done?! Of course, knowing this brand of individual, they will probably have bought one of each so they (1) can pretend to be relevant (2) brag to everyone about how poor their dedication to avant garde technology is making them. Hipster life budgeting is nothing to be scoffed at, people. These are same people buying duck with food stamps.

Thoughts:

1. HOLY SHIT OSTRICH ATTACK

2. I truly appreciate that the father runs to his child's aid with all the energy of a golf clap.

3. It is an immutable fact that the random donkey crossing makes this video.

This is Spinal Tape

I am plagued by the laughter in this video:

YOU! LOOK AT ME! from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

I don't know how I feel about this, Jake. Sure, you have abs now, and pectoral muscles that might show through a t-shirt, but you are almost thirty and this heartthrob thing is getting past its prime. Buy some loose slacks and some cufflinks and stop trying to use your torso to remain relevant - Mario Lopez has already stolen any and all of that good will. If you don't believe me, ask Ryan Phillippe's wet weasel of a career.

Oh, and if you want me to take you seriously, you're going to have to give David Spade his haircut back.

Dear Train,

Generally your music stinks. However, when you stumble your way onto a good melody, ruining it by immediately selling the song to a car commercial is just bad business.

Also, this eight year old with a ukulele does it better.

Love,
Me

Awesome candle illusion.

I really enjoyed this video, but I'd prefer just a straight up compilation of kids failing at pouring. Epic.

In honor of Earth Day, here's three very awkward animals.