Virtual Flaneurism

From Kristie: Boobquake joke turns awry when it causes an actual earthquake in Taiwan.

John Cameron Mitchell announces that Hedwig & the Angry Inch will return to Broadway in fall 2010!

I apologize. Today's posts are all fucking charts and random one-serving tumblogs and shit. More videos and music coming soon, cross my heart and hope to Lindsay Lohan's career.

This one's pretty interesting but hard to read (odd, since usually one of the main goals of these graphs is to make the material more accessible) but the info's worth a perusal: a look at how different emotions/sentiments are linked to different colors in varying regions of the world.

Again, click to embiggen.

Nimoy Sunset Pie Tumblog

A lot of these miss the mark because the makers try too hard...Nimoy should not be interacting with the pies, people.

(If you haven't caught on, CLICK the PIC to embiggen.)

Informative Infographic about the process (and TIME) it takes for a foreigner to become a US citizen.

Definitely worth reading in light of the recent Arizona Anti-Immigration Bill.

To quote someone else:

"Funny: those same people decrying Obama's 'totalitarian' nation are likely responsible for voting to turn Arizona into a fascist state."

Suggestions for US currency redesign. Not sure I love it - especially the rearranging of presidents on the bills...potentially very confusing.

Ok, this is gross, but when I actually laugh out loud at something, it's as if I'm contractually obligated to repost. So,

You'll see it if you just give yourself a second.

Yo, what better for a Monday than an entire tumblog devoted to People Talking on Bananas

Ukulele cover of MGMT's "Kids":

Battle of the Third Grade Music Class Crap Instruments:

1. Justin Bieber's "Baby" on Recorder

2. Gaga's "Telephone" on Glockenspiel

UPDATE: 3. Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" on CROCKENSPIEL.

Click for bigger and better:

If you've never read this before (I think I actually was given this as a sample model admissions essay during high school - another sign that I grew up in the epicenter of bad advice), check out Hugh Gallagher's NYU admissions essay. This was brought back to my attention because of the NYU connection. As you might now, NYU holds a special place in my rectum.

A tiddly bit to whet your whistle:

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Note: Since I was unsuccessful at finding a picture of Hugh Gallagher, I grant to you a picture of Gallagher the Comedian in an over-sized pair of women's shoes.

Oh, that Gallagher!!

Uh, NSFW. Or studying in a lounge at school, apparently.

I totally thought the Burger King was Jesus and was all, "Why's Colonel Sanders hanging out with Jesus? Is this a Double Down commercial?"

Dave the Wonderdog Does Not Like Birthdays

Hilarious reimagining of T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land" in Lolcat speak.

For those outside of Eliot-lore, he wrote "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats", the eventual source material for Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical Cats. For those outside of musical lore, Cats is a musical about cats.

Check out the original poem here (worth at least a quick perusal for a side by side comparison with the Lolcat version)

A well-written short story by Joshua Ferris from Tin House Literary Magazine. His book "Then We Came to the End" is one of my favorite novels from this past year.

Editorial note: I am oddly compelled to post pictures with all of my posts, to give some visual meat to entries that would otherwise be blocks of text. However, I find it bizarrely uncomfortable to post authors' photographs: having invariably read the work I'm posting about before seeing what the author looks like, looking up their picture feels like a massive invasion of their privacy- like I am some uber-voyeuristic peeping tom who has taken these author's willingness to let me read their written work as an invitation to take an extra dip into their person lives by looking up their faces.

Anyway, good short story, bad self-inflicted self-conscious self-loathing.

Stolen from Patrick, though this video's quality blows. I need more bass, people. Upload the bass into your video.

It occurs to me that, to date, Google and Apple haven't had the opportunity to butt heads in the technology world. I'm looking forward to the day both companies put out a product filling the same niche and the fanboys implode over which side to choose. Imagine if Google had put out an impractical flat screen laptop that can't run videos or stand up vertically without some sort of ill-balanced dock! What could they have done?! Of course, knowing this brand of individual, they will probably have bought one of each so they (1) can pretend to be relevant (2) brag to everyone about how poor their dedication to avant garde technology is making them. Hipster life budgeting is nothing to be scoffed at, people. These are same people buying duck with food stamps.

Thoughts:

1. HOLY SHIT OSTRICH ATTACK

2. I truly appreciate that the father runs to his child's aid with all the energy of a golf clap.

3. It is an immutable fact that the random donkey crossing makes this video.

This is Spinal Tape

I am plagued by the laughter in this video:

YOU! LOOK AT ME! from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

I don't know how I feel about this, Jake. Sure, you have abs now, and pectoral muscles that might show through a t-shirt, but you are almost thirty and this heartthrob thing is getting past its prime. Buy some loose slacks and some cufflinks and stop trying to use your torso to remain relevant - Mario Lopez has already stolen any and all of that good will. If you don't believe me, ask Ryan Phillippe's wet weasel of a career.

Oh, and if you want me to take you seriously, you're going to have to give David Spade his haircut back.

Dear Train,

Generally your music stinks. However, when you stumble your way onto a good melody, ruining it by immediately selling the song to a car commercial is just bad business.

Also, this eight year old with a ukulele does it better.

Love,
Me