Virtual Flaneurism

I know that Seal is the epitome of uncool, but I am not too proud to say that I really like this ballad.

It is the end of the year, making it a time for some humble reflection. Instead of just talking about myself, I've decided to share with you a list of the top ten most popular pages from this year...all whilst talking about myself, of course. After, a handful of thoughts and self-deprecating comments that the following list inspired.

Now, the top ten:

10. August 29th: #1114

That a Cathy cartoon made it this high on the list is really very discouraging. I almost closed up shop on this one.

9. April 10th: #193

A personal reflection on leaving New York, as well as a link to Joan Didion's wonderful essay "Goodbye to All That". Not funny, so what were you linking it for?

8. October 9th: #1461

The "Awesome Sweaters" video. I might've wracked up all the hits on this page myself.

7. July 14th: #775

Yet another personal reflection, this one ultimately about my decision whether to stay in graduate school. Probably the dumbest post I've made - which is saying something.

6. July 13th: #767

You all liked to read my ramblings, apparently: this post was a segment from a piece I wrote in 2007 about my nephew's birth. It involved jokes about baby testicles, so maybe that explains the number of hits.

5. July 9th: #733

Naive Secretary E-mail Thread. I think I stole this from Ben and failed to give him credit. Remedied, bitches!

4. August 25th: #1089

Neil Patrick Harris + Silly Bandz + Sexual Innuendo? I fully support your approval of this one.

3. April 25th: #298

A battle of the "bands" where two fools try to outdo one another using children's musical instruments. I liked it, but you clearly liked it more.

2. July 30th: #889

The people of Reykjavik have spoken.

1. September 28th: #1359

It says so much about the readership of this blog that the top page is (1) about Obama and (2) a double entendre about sexual penetration. Good to know you're all as immature as I am.

Some thoughts:

- From my exploration of your top hits, it has occurred to me that you all either do not click the music pages, or simply do not like them. However, that is not true! Your top 5 searched tags for the year were cat, video, dogs, music, and gay. First, you all are clearly amazing, because those tags are some of my favorites. B, it appears that, while you aren't clicking the music pages themselves, some (or many) of you are regularly clicking "music" to check out all of the song posts at once. So, basically, I'm gonna keep trolling you with music, and that's that. Expect more Styx.

- You all seem to enjoy reading my writing. Seriously -- three of the top ten posts are "reflection posts" involving me rambling and you reading. The implications of this are mind-blowing -- should I be writing more? I am inclined to assume that you are mainly clicking these pages so that you can link others to them as a joke.

- I use Google Analytics, which gives you a rundown of where your visitors are coming from. Who knew that I had readers in Texas and Chile? Good thing I kept those racist Incan cartoons to myself. Also, it is telling that all of the Texas readers are from that great homo-hacienda of the South, Austin. (PS. Yes, Google Analytics is so stalkerish that it tells me where you're reading from, down to the city. Unfortunately, they've yet to integrate Google Maps and Analytics, or I'd be all up in your home addresses blog hits).

That's it, kiddos. Onward and upward to a fantastic 2011.

It disappoints me a little that I will be unable to watch Anderson and Kathy riff this evening, as I'll be dancing in the New Years. I love that Anderson spends half this (and all of his) interviews with Kathy Griffin laughing like Beavis with proper elocution. To be fair, he could be snorting, and he'd still be adorable.

Also, it blows my mind that CNN lets him air this kind of rambling non-narrative conversation. I mean, I find it cute, but I think I may be part of a small majority that likes watching a 'mo and his fag hag riff on how awkward his fashion accessories are.

Muppets with People Eyes

There are no words.

Oh, how I miss Next!

Ugh, what a day. I am the only person in my house tonight, which is perfectly fine but for some unexpected occurrences throughout the latter half of the day. I uncovered a putrefied mouse while cleaning out a storage closet this afternoon. The distaste that left in my mouth was nothing compared to what happened when I went outside later tonight to drag out our trash cans for pickup. We have an eight foot tall gate separating our the ack of our house from the alleyway, which people occasionally walk down. Someone did in fact walk past the gate as I was pouring our recyclables into their bin. I didn't give him a second thought until, unlocking and opening the gate, I caught a glimpse of a figure lurking behind the neighboring apartment building's dumpster, maybe fifteen feet away. Quickly re-locking the gate, I climbed up onto our porch, which overlooks the dumpster. The guy was still behind the dumpster, and from what I could tell, trying to discretely figure out where I'd gone .

Not a fun experience even with other people in the house, but being alone the rest of the night is leaving me a little jumpy and overanxious.

Who knew that Nick Jonas had gone the Taylor Lautner route? Scrawny to brawny is my favorite kind of celebrity transformation.

And for those who, like me, are always worried, Mr. Jonas turned 18 in September.

I'm a monster from Headless Productions on Vimeo.

Finally, someone who shares my love for bird corpses.

I laughed out loud at "artisan cheeses".

Oh my god, this little redneck is smarter than us all.

This year's DJ Earworm mix is a success if only because it contains no Black Eyed Peas.

I just stumbled upon this new band called Yellow Ostrich, and I've been dancing around to their album while packing my suitcase. They have a somewhat rough sound (I get the impression that they mixed their own album, and therefore their producing is not top-tier), though their harmonies are amazing and a number of the songs have a great beat.

You can download their entire album for free on their website. Just click buy now and say you wanna pay $0. Or you could not be like me and reject being a selfish jerk by supporting a new band and dropping them a few bucks.

Oh, James Marsden. You are no James Franco, but you are still pretty cute.

I think I've hired this electrician.

"They were his friends, and his mother was wrong: they weren’t bad friends. Maybe, he thought, there aren’t any such things as good friends or bad friends— maybe there are just friends, people who stand by you when you’re hurt, and who help you feel not so lonely. Maybe they’re always worth being scared for, and hoping for, and living for. Maybe worth dying for, too, if that’s what has to be. No good friends. No bad friends. Only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart."


- IT by Stephen King

This is bizarrely awkward.

Stolen from Kristie, from Overheard in Court:

Q. Now let’s go back to Exhibit 18. It looks to me like this pump submittal from SRV is dated Oct. 14, 2002. Right?

A. That’s the date of this letter, correct.

Q. Okay. And SRV was required to submit this pump submittal five days after the execution of the contract, which they received on Oct. 9. So 14 minus 9 is how many?

A. I don’t know. I need a calculator.

Q. You need a calculator to subtract 9 from 14?

A. Yeah.

Q. You’re the project engineer on a $5 million infrastructure project, and you’re telling me you need a calculator to subtract 9 from 14?

A. We always have calculators.

Q. Really, you can’t subtract 9 from 14 without a calculator?

A. It’s 6.

Q. Actually, Ms. ______, I think it’s 5.

A. I think I told you I need a calculator.

I was doing piss-ups for years before Tosh's flabby arms squabbled their way out of his mother's catacombs of a womb.

Well, put this at the top of the list of "Things Giving Me Nightmares Tonight".

I. LOVE. JOBY.

I worry that my appreciation for this song is emblematic of the bad side of my music taste.

This song came on the radio while I was in the car the other day, and it has been stuck in my head ever sense. God damn Bobby Brown.

From Miss Eliza:

This would be funnier if the text read "TAYL".

This music video is generic schloop, but I like the song.

This may perhaps be the last Christmas-related post of the year! May the boring, holiday-less and frigid first quarter of the year commence.

The problem with this invention is not the execution, but the fact that it denies me the opportunity to squash the hell out of the damn spider.

I don't want this for Christmas, I need this for Christmas.